the path to enlightenment

fuck it all and fucking no regrets
i’ve cancelled all the love and all the bets
after we’ve separated the love from the glee
there’s just more pride fuck society

torture chambers blackened passages mark the way
the crops are dying and the kids are too dysfunctional to play
i see the west as masquerade
wonder what it would be like if they weren’t paid
by investments made in chinese murder monks and everyone’s a slave.

tell me it’s not getting worse.

god damn it.

tell me you think you’re making a bloody difference.
faith sometimes is the ultimate crockery.
we sound like priests… conflated by ego

there’s no way

there’s no way it’s so simple as choosing to be happy.

or making your own little wave.

that’s not what i call brave.

exterminating hearts and plucking minds
the bird has been defeathered and soaked in wine
and all the drunken carnivores
are crashing into windows that they think are doors

and hardwood floors are caked with chemicals.
trails are blazing in the sky. conspiracies are piling high.

here in tribe our female folk are yelling rape
have you ever studied the sociobiology of apes?

watched a doc today which showed chimp warfare
civilization sucks but neither’s nature kind nor fair.

compassion is like a coping mechanism and evolution is like some magic pill
when we all know we’re just desperately climbing hills.

we’re running to stand still.

darkness, revolution

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simply put:
the day has receeded
and the night has taken over like a swamp
with all this quicksand
ready to suck me in

and i marvel at the beauty
and curse at the gap
and we all know that i should know better
but i write the truth, the truth that goes zap

the window looks out to the sea
and the mountains and her majesty
but at night it’s only this screen’s glow
and the fire i made,
and the women that don’t know

what i don’t know either.

and each passing night
i sit by the window trying to catch a glimpse
of the cedar still light

and in the morn
i am re-born
having endured a sleep of countless convictions
ill-focussed
and no one noticed

as i slipped into obscurity,
these mad hound dogs
will shred my clothes but will not know me

it’s a cruel world so full of affection
it’s a loveless life when aimless the direction

and the stars said to me,
‘rise above, shiraz, rise above’

so i grabbed hold of one the corners of one of the stars
and pulled myself up

but it didn’t get me to where i needed to be.

oh dear tribe,
these are lonely times in shiraz’s day
and loneliness is an illusion of heart’s disarray

oh how many have you have got lost
impeding your spirit, acting cool at all costs?
only to realize late at night
that you’re all you’ve got, including your spite

oh these words are so non-sensical
i’ve got so much on my chest these days
i can hardly bare
and i feel like an artist’s turtle to society’s hare

madness descends upon this brain
this grey matter greyer than the bc rain

i’m out of theories, i’ve got no more to say
just these words to clear my way
and my heart has tried with all its might
i shifted to the left, then back to the right

in preparation for the final ascension
dementia i wonder or inter-dimension?

haha i’m just kidding there.
i laughed at my sister when they gave the carebear stare

and i chuckled at all her girly toys
and went outside to play with the boys

but in the end i came home sadder
the end being now, the now being fatter
than yesteryear when things were quite simple
and now though she might attract me with her dimple

like a vampire i fall at her feet
and beg of her if she has something to eat

these are needy times, i’m a needy guy
if you gave me a third, i’d eat the whole pie

repressed engaged for this silly fool
a donkey, an ass, a self-degrading mule

and please don’t take any of this seriously
it’s just me working out my shit
it’s me to me.

but you’re welcome to observe this half-inspired process
and welcome to comment on this wordy mess

anything at all for the circumspect.

darkness

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where went the zest?

i hear it in bits of the music
between the choruses
but not quite in the verse

where once you danced
now you droop like a willow tree

where went the joy
when you walked out into the street

did you forget why you were here?

have you run out of reasons
to make believe?

or is it your career that’s got you straight, shiraz?

is the price of equanimity no more bursts of ridiculous love?

perhaps you spent it all on women that never loved you back

or perhaps your passion was just blind adherence to the frivolousness of your emotion.

or maybe not.

possibly even that passion will return,

but until that day,

you are just an ordinary man.

and this is just an ordinary world.

and these are just ordinary times.

and this is just another blog entry

in just another subculture

and the love you’ve known already

is the most you’ll ever know.

not, of course, that you haven’t known a lot.

but have you known what you wanted to know?

what happened to the passion, old man?

too much time at the computer, perhaps?

goodness me.

i want to hear your voice again, lovely.
i like the sound of your heart.

and the beat that pulses beneath you
i feel at the base of my throat

oh god, what happened
to sarah gooding warming her hand under my t-shirt?
to jessie schram and her deep blonde intelligence?
to the love which lived at the end of my touch?

and where are they now?

where are you?

do you hear me, shiraz?

where are you?

darkness, love

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time has eroded the layers which separate me from my past

it may be called it the exposure of old wounds
but i would prefer to say, the return to where i am;

in this deep place, there is no struggle
even though there is pain

and that is the difference between where i was so many years ago and where i am now.

once where i struggled, now i accept.

my joy, in any case, is deeper than my circumstance.

i know now, my purpose is lived in every moment

and though i am as a prophet unfulfilled,
i am also as a god complete.

creator, upon high,

let wisdom guide my heart
through these ancient issues re-surfaced.

darkness, evolution, love

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constrictions, tensions, blockades in the flow
owies, cabowies, i’m trying to let go

fear is peppered in these parts of my heart
i’m trying to trust, i’m trying to trust

goose pimples sprinkled like golf ball dimples
this fear, this fear,
i try to erase

i can feel them now, regarding me as baggage
like in this dark zone i fear to grow old and haggard

like my truck breaking down on the highway road
from a prince unkissed i revert to a toad

so KISS ME my friends so that i may stay bright
and illuminate my worries in the still of the night

your love is not fodder for my struggle
but a gentle embrace, a much-needed huddle

if you see my weaknesses, please love me even more
because i need to share them with you, keep open the door

the passage of my fearful restrain
i’m finding involves considerable heart pain

but you know what’s the hardest part of this whole struggle and game?
it’s the thought that by sharing my struggle, your faith will wane.

but rather if you will when you see me in need
provision me with teacups and buttercups and throw me a lead

to the knowledge which inspires you and the vision you love
show me the heart of black-feathered dove

in these times i find that my ego is weakening
and my heart apparatus is slightly tweaking

at the loss of it all, the loss of the game
and yet despite it all, it remains the same:

love is forever, love is deep
love fills the day as love fills our sleep

though my heart is bruised
and the soul feels used

i commit to the path of forgiveness and faith
i commit to the path, i commit

and i know that my words are struggles as well
i know that despite my efforts of story to tell

that only some reach your ears
the way oft unclear

but i’m entrusting this process to transmute the valley
over the cobblestones and into the alley

i’m sharing my weakness as a matter of savvy
don’t you know? i’m learning to let go.

i’m asking for your soft hand to sooth my jitterbug heart
touch my fear with your finger, and the pain breaks apart

touch my fear with your tongue,

hug me for over one minute,

tell me it’s okay to cry.

accept my sorrow –

these things will help me move on.

i love you too, my friend, and i welcome your imperfections.
like the woman that crashed into my truck last night, reversed into it without knowing it was there.
it made me feel better

my closest connections these days are with light beings in need
the penguins huddle, the cosmic seed.

i know in proximity sometimes for a moment my energy may feel bad
i realize sometimes i’m a very unattractive lad

with outstretched arms, like a street beggar
i sometimes feel need, i sometimes feel need

and i know how pathetic the call of “love me!” can sound
but still at this point you’re around

reading my call, suspending my fall
supporting my base as my spine becomes tall

not to be underestimated, compassion for all
tthe tickle and trickle of love’s ancient call

darkness, evolution, love

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it makes me want to kick it to pieces
damn fucking right i’m frustrated

kiss my ass, you tease

please.

i say it straight –

i barely relate

to this goddamned nightmare
and why the fuck should anyone care?

clutch,
grab,
release

all this shit’s a fucking tease

i’d rather view life as misery,

and take it from there.

and where to now, really?

over the bridge and into the sea.

i killed my soul when i decided to love

the girl played games and gave me a shove

well shovel this you ungrateful turd

i hate this game, and that’s the word.

darkness, love

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over-worded
underscored
bits and bytes are
making me bored

my mind has swallowed
my peace within
my intention’s crumbling
like a drunkard on gin

how i drank away my sorrows
and smoked out my pain
standing idly
in the pouring rain

transcendental matters
where i once did believe
appear now like capsules
from drug-dealer sleeves

and love apparently
the crowning glory
watered down now
by hollywood story

dispossesed of
meaningful angle
creative pursuits
effectively strangled

sure i can jump and
dance with glee
in fact it’s quite easy to
make people love me

but harder yet
to stay inspired
to stay where i am
and not get tired

perhaps i overspent
my faith
at summer parties
kneeling at heaven’s gates

and now i’m dealing
with the aftermath
a bloody world
and undefined path

i’ve said it before
and now again
inspiration is the key
so give me ten

somewhere in this dark
hole in my head
silver-tinged wisdom
refined from the lead

when i feel no inspire
when malfunction the soul
when shorted the wire
when i’m feeling real old

give me ten of them
- inspiration keys -
none of the bullshit
none of the glee

none of the ridiculous
tribal pride
like nationalist fervour
forced to take sides

but god my buddy
set me up one-on-one
jah my love
show me the sun

darkness

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sick, i am.
of tirades against my person
ego grievances of others
called a problem of mine.

disgusted, i am.
with workforce fallacies
capitalistic disingenuity
and tribal resurrections of outdated systems of selfishness

angry, i am.
with disinformation spread
by agencies of power, that hover
like machine gun helicopters over
my resistance outpost

positioned, i am
at the edge of a continent
with a will of resistance
and an elastic smile
that will snap if stretched
by the polarity of love-hate

tried, i am
of extending confidence
and stretching courtesy
beyond the realm
of my natural self

you — reader,
lover in a dangerous time.
let us put our bombs together
and explode the world

so that we may then
walk her beaches
ride her rainbows
travel this turtle

at the end of time

darkness

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